Why Today Should Be a Seinfield Episode

So far today (& it's only 2:30pm), the following events have occurred in my life:

Got showered & washed my hair (I very rarely wash my hair in the mornings - takes too long... & I couldn't remember when I last washed which meant it was definitely time overdue.  I would have washed it last night but was too tired when I finally went to bed at 1am (only to be up again 2 hrs later with Ellie who is cutting  another tooth.)  Why did I just share with you my pitiful hair details?

While getting ready, I brushed my teeth.  I do make sure to include this in my daily morning routine.:)  I noticed the toothpaste wasn't very minty or refreshing.  I looked closer at the tube - it was Desitin.  That's right - I brushed my teeth with diaper cream.  That is how you know you are completely exhausted.  You know you are cheap when you use hand soap to wash your toothbrush and then start over.  You know you are a mommy when you are annoyed at yourself for wasting time brushing your teeth twice.

I laughed at myself & texted my husband in Houston.  He said, "Gross."

While loading the car to head to an appointment, I locked myself out of the house.  Ellie was asleep in her crib & Will was having a morning snack.  I kept knocking but apparently I've trained him not to go to the door for strangers.  Thankfully, I found an unlocked back door.  When I came inside, Will announced someone was knocking at the door.  Thank you, son.

I laughed at myself and called my mom to tell her about the day so far.

I looked at myself in the mirror and thought my shirt was fitting funny but, let's be honest, nothing fits great anymore so I didn't think too much about it.  I changed my pants.

Off we went to an appointment and two hours later, I was in the bathroom when I noticed my shirt really did look funny.  It was on backwards.  In public.  I stood in the bathroom and laughed outloud.  I'm sure anybody waiting to use the restroom thought I was losing it.  I think I am.

Next, we went to the post office.  Will announced as we were walking in that he had to use the restroom.  Bless his heart, he was crossing his legs and doing the dance while we waited in line.  Finally, I asked the postman where the restroom is.  They don't have one.  That's our tax money at work - apparently we can't pay for toilet paper.  Why do they keep increasing the price of stamps?

So, I told him I would take him as soon as we could get to a bathroom.  While loading Ellie in the car, I always have Will stand beside me on the painted line or else on a sidewalk in front of the car.  He stood on the sidewalk and I loaded Ellie.  I was debating in my head whether to drive to the nearest gas station & unload both kids again or else just open both car doors on one side to hide him & let him go in the parking lot.  My debate was a waste of mental energy (& frankly there's not much to waste.)  As I went to get Will to put him in the car, there he was in all his glory mooning the busiest street in our new city and going to the bathroom in the grass.  I screamed and about died laughing.  I kept asking him to stop the flow but he couldn't.  At that point, I knew I looked like a derelict mother because it would appear by my presence of trying to block his little body from public view that I was, in fact, allowing him to practice public urination.  And did I mention he was peeing uphill which meant his zancos (prosthetics) & shorts got urine on them?  I was mortified.  He was relieved.

I thought that would top the day.  It didn't.

We drove home just in time for naps.  Nap time is sacred around here.  We take it very seriously - both kids generally nap for 2-3 hours daily.  Praise the Lord.
I'm trying to leave town tomorrow with the kids.  I have a lot to do.  And have I mentioned that we just moved.  I have unpacked so many boxes - seriously there is a tower in our garage of broken down boxes.  I'm wiped out.  So, lots to do...
and as I unloaded the kids I went to let myself in the house, & was locked out, again.  Yes, twice in one day.

(Naptime & they are patiently waiting while mommy figures out how to get us inside.)

I tried all the doors - locked.  I knew the key was inside (previous owner left us one key & no garage door openers so until I have time to get a locksmith out, we share.)  Just before calling a locksmith & calculating how to give my children naps in the car in the driveway & how I would get it all done, I called my mom.  She remembered seeing an unlocked window in the family room without a screen.  I raced around the house and located it.  I cleared off some spider webs and raised it & hurled myself through the window and over the couch in a skirt.

When I showed up outside to get my children, Will said, "Awesome!"

No, I don't have it all together.  In fact, I have nothing together.  Except I did get my hair washed and the dishes done today.

How's your day?