Grocery Store

As I was unloading & putting away groceries yesterday, I looked into the sunroom where Will was busily loading his "groceries" into the back of his little blue car. Apparently, my little boy's grocery list would include the following: a bat, a ball, a car, & a bottle of Gerber yogurt juice which he stole from the pantry! (See his "trunk" below!) So cute!

Yesterday, I fell apart on the olive aisle at HEB. I held myself together while answering questions about Will in the produce section from a kind woman. Then, I had the misfortune of running into the grumpy old man on the olive aisle. ( I think it was the olive aisle- it was hard to tell where I was through the fog of my tears brought about by the conversation I had with him.) He was slowly moving across the aisle & apologized claiming he had a bad hip. I told him he was fine - no problem. Without really looking at Will, he remarked that at least nothing was wrong with Will. I smiled & moved on (or tried to.) He then turned around & really looked at Will and said, " Well, I guess something is wrong with him!" I wanted to quote our minister & say, "cuss word...cuss word." I wanted to hit him & throw a heavy prosthetic at him. I wanted to scream. Instead, I quickly & angrily told him, "Nothing is wrong with him." His response- he just turned the corner & walked away - he didn't care at all! He didn't even bother a second look at Will's beautiful, smiling face. I fell apart & some kind girl in a purple shirt later told me how cute Will was. I later saw a lady from church a few aisles away. When I told her through my teary eyes what had happened, she asked where he was. I think she was ready to fight him on my behalf! Will is so fun at the grocery store. He points at every balloon. He waves at every single kid he sees. He flirts like crazy with every woman there- young & old. Up & down every aisle, he does his new rolling/travelling trick (see video in previous post.) He talks to anyone who will listen (& even those who won't!) He bursts into laughter at nothing. He is so very cute. Why can't people just notice that instead of his hands & prosthetic legs?!!?

On the drive home, I couldn't help but think that I wanted to be the kind of Christian who would pray for this man. I actually thought to myself, "what would Beth Moore do?" Well, I determined that she is a mom & she is feisty & she would have probably had some scriptures as well as something else to say to that grumpy old man. I don't even really like Beth Moore but I'm afraid I have a long way to go before I can just throw out some appropriate scriptures at grumpy old men.

I did pray for him last night- grudgingly. Mostly I just cried out to God- why my baby? Let someone mess with me - I don't care. But when they mess with my kid, watch out! That's what hurts so badly. Will & I had some sweet cuddling time when we got home & finished loading our groceries (see pics above!)
I have sworn off HEB (at least until I'm capable of handling moments like these.) I will forever shop at Albertson's. Today, at Albertson's, they even gave me free candy! (It was supposed to be for Will but he can't have candy & I hated to let it go to waste!) They love him there. Sadly, they don't carry hummus anymore but I suppose I can go without. I don't know why but all of my horrible grocery store experiences happen at HEB (with the exception of one time in Albertson's in Dallas.) I don't want to avoid public places out of fear but, honestly, I'm so sick and tired of dealing with rude people when I shop at HEB.
I cried the whole way home from the store, again. I hate sobbing in front of Will so I turned up Veggie Tales music really loud in the car for him.
I'm thinking of making a sign for my grocery cart- "Shopping for Groceries... Normal People... Please restrain yourself from questioning/harrassing/staring/pointing/mocking/or otherwise bothering us."

All of this happened the day after the "D" word was said in our house by our new therapist. I'm giving her one more therapy session before I confront her or talk to our therapy coordinator about some issues. In our house, we have 2 "D" words. Actually, I guess there are 3 but you can probably guess what #3 is. The "D" words in this house are: "disabled" & "deformed/deformity." We don't believe those things about our son & we don't use those words. The therapist referred to Will's beautiful, precious hands & feet as "deformities." I nearly burst into tears but instead attempted to politely refer to them as differences. There were several other comments she made that I won't go into.

I believe that one of our roles is to educate others & to enable others to feel comfortable around people with differences. Sometimes, I just want a break from that job- I just want to do my grocery shopping or have a therapy session in my own home without feeling like I'm teaching the entire time. I just want to focus on my #1 role: being Will's mom & Reagan's wife. UGH!

I think what breaks my heart the most is that I know probably in a year or so Will will understand what people are saying. I dread that gap of time between when he begins to understand but he's not quite old enough to have his own creative responses. And I fear that I won't have all of the right responses by then. We're taking Dr. Tim Kimmell's "Grace-Based Parenting" class at our church currently. (GREAT Book - love it & highly recommend it- it's been the basis for several of our parenting decisions in raising Will so far.) Anyway, last week we discussed what type of flawed parenting models we tend to use. I think I definitely parent by fear in some cases. I'm terribly fearful of not being able to protect Will in the future. I'm terrified of not being with him at all times & what may happen when I'm not there to "protect" him. (I know - I need to trust God but it's really hard!

Ok - enough rambling. Please pray I can shop for groceries without any more situations!

Be on the lookout for a cute video & Will's first artwork coming soon! :)