whew- venting & procrastinating

Ok - here's my week so far (you know, in case you just can't stand not knowing all about my week!)
Mon - here for therapy, therapist doesn't show up (she later called & rescheduled)
Tues- therapy
Wed - therapy & swimming with friends & goodbye to R - who left for 16 days for a trial in Houston... that night- something happened with our refridgerator & there was a HUGE puddle of water under it - I soaked it up with a towel & it's been ok ever since...
Thurs- fun morning swimming with Will... the dishwasher & one of our kitchen sinks (we have 2, oddly enough) have started to explode. Actually, they didn't explode but rather made a big "burp" sound & suddenly, there was water all over my counter, cabinets, & floor. Yay- you know, since R is gone & this was only day 2!
Fri - I have plunged a toilet that decided to overflow for the first time in my life. Yay! Feel free to hire me for all your plumbing needs. On second thought, don't - I'm pretty sure I didn't plunge correctly so therefore am avoiding using that toilet at all. (Also in case you couldn't stand not knowing that little bit of info.)
Oh, & we swam again today with friends but Will had to have a time out for disobeying me near the water & a spanking for hitting his little friend with his baseball bat. But, prior to all that, we had a great time swimming with friends.
And then this afternoon - (thankfully, no appliance or plumbing issues yet... but of course, the day's not over.)
At 2:30ish, I got a phone call from Will's prosthesist saying that she needed to see him Monday morning for 3 hours & possibly Monday afternoon (yay - since missing a nap is so great - especially missing it so my baby boy can be at the doctor's getting his prosthetics alignment.) Which reminds me, I need to take my car to have the oil changed - it keeps flashing a warning. Man, I miss my R & how he takes care of house & car things!
Oh - did I mention that my cell phone died a few days ago. R gave me his old Blackberry on Wed but, alas, it is also dead & so, after dragging my toddler to 4 stores - I have finally found someone to order a new battery for me but it won't arrive until later next week. I realize that people have travelled for centuries without cellphones but it makes me nervous to fly tomorrow without it.
So, I've digressed, of course.
2:30- I get the call & immediately go online, cancel my fun flight to Houston to see R for Father's Day & instead, use that last free ticket to go to Dallas tomorrow because no way could we afford a very, very last minute flight. And, I fell apart in tears. I can't reach R to tell him the new plans. I pretend to be a "fly by the seat of my pants" kind of mom (no pun intended) but I'm not. I prefer a plan. I like a "packing to do list." Maybe I should type & print & laminate the darn thing & frame it in my bedroom for reference purposes for times like this when I don't have time to make one.
Naturally, you're probably wondering why I'm blogging when I should be packing. Or, maybe you're not caring at all but it's my blog so I'll tell you, regardless. Everything is in the washer/dryer. I can't pack dirty clothes! And, I just keep having blog (aka: place to vent) thoughts running through my wet little head (went swimming prior to that phone call) & need to get them all out. And, I'm crying.
I discovered Nutella today (yummy hazelnut butter with cocoa - natural & healthy (i think).) It's the beginning of a beautiful realtionship. My only regret is that I have lived almost 29 years without it in my life. I will not let Will experience that same regret. He gets it on toast for his snack today. So, in the midst of my tears & travel overwhelm, did I turn to scripture? No, unfortunately, my gut instinct was to grab my new love, take it to my bedroom with some pretzels, & dive in. It may seem like I'm in the infatuation stage but I'm pretty sure this is going to be a long term committment kind of thing. It is bringing me great satisfaction. I might even throw it in my purse for my reward at the doctor's (Will gets stamps for being a good boy - I get nutella... win-win.)
Here's the thing - all nutella aside. I love Will & I'm thankful we are at a place where I can be pretty flexible & travel with him suddenly to Dallas. I'm thankful it's not a life or death thing but merely a prosthetics alignment (that will take nearly all day.) I'm thankful that my parents can pick us up in Dallas this trip to drive us around because it about wore me out completely doing it all by myself last time. I'm thankful we are moving forward on prosthetics becuase, bless his heart, he wants to wear them so badly but they give him blisters.
But, I'm overwhelmed. It's exhausting to travel so much. With R gone, I feel stressed out about taking care of the animals, house, cancelling committments for the weekend & Monday, etc. And, sadly, my inlaws are gone tonight or else I would call them to have them keep W for a couple of hours this evening so that I could get ready to go. And, I haven't taken care of Father's Day gifts which is hugely stressing me out.
R told me recently that he thought travel would get easier for me as Will continues to get more independent because soon he would be able to walk on the plane all by himself. (Sheesh - the flying part & getting on the plane part is the easiest part- it's all the preparation & getting to doctor's offices & dealing with doctors, & scheduling naps around appts that is the hard part!)
I love my husband but he isn't here for all of this. He hasn't flown with Will recently & therefore seen that Will actually does already walk on the plane by himself. He doesn't spend time on the phone dealing with doctors & dealing with changed appointment times & changing flights around & trying to fit in meals & naps for a toddler. He does, however, work his tail off 18 hrs a day for a trial out of town, away from his family for 16 days, so that we can afford medical care for Will & so that I can be a stay at home mom, for which I am forever grateful!
While we love our community & friends & church & job & home & life here, there's a part of me that wishes I could just cancel one day's worth of therapy, hop in the car, drive across town or an hour & not pack a suitcase, not pay for a flight (or use my last free ticket), & throw dinner in the crockpot so that it's ready to eat as a family when we get home at the end of the day. I get that it is not my reality but, again, my blog - my venting. :) Here's the thing: generally speaking, I'm just fine with "my normal." I love "my normal" because it includes Will & he blesses me constantly (even after I've had to spank him today & he looks at me with those beautiful blue eyes & melts my heart as he says, "hold you, mommy" - & frowns... which, you might recall, we didn't know if he would be able to do.) I love "my normal," usually. I'm so used to it - it's "normal" for me - that I don't even think too much about therapies or prosthetics or whatever- I just figure out how to live life with all of that in it... and try not to sacrifice too much swimming time. :) But, every now & then, my "normal" slaps me upside the head & makes me land on my toosh - tired & stressed & overwhelmed. And, every now & then, I hate that our normal includes visiting a children's hospital - for the second time in less than a month - to watch my child endure an uncomfortable, long appointment aligning prosthetics. I guess I need to get used to this side of my normal - the "be flexible" part. And, embrace my nutella.
I'm just stressed... & venting- sorry!
I think the dryer just finished load numero uno so I'm off to pack. Hopefully I've got a good hour of W's naptime left in my day.
If you think of it, & I know it is super minor- but please pray for a good appointment on Monday - for some nap time for Will that day & my stamina as we hurriedly travel so much over the next 3 days & come home to an empty house. (Well, almost empty - there is a cat & a dog.)
Thanks for listening/reading & letting me vent! Sorry - I'm feeling much better now - got that out of my system & the nutella sugar is kicking in. ;)