When I dreamed of becoming a Mommy (something I've dreamed of my whole life!) it did not include heartache. When I imagined the clubs I would be in, the ranks I would join, it included those whose members had babies who slept through the night, or were potty-trained, or were trying for number 2, or had a preschooler. I'm in these clubs. But I'm also in some clubs I never imagined myself in. In retrospect, I'm thankful for with my new clubs, comes a sense of intimacy with women I might never have known as we have shared heartaches.
I joined the miscarriage club in the summer of 2006. This has brought me relationships with total strangers as I am a collector and when I hear of someone suffering a miscarriage, I like to mail them books that helped me and a collection of songs and Bible verses. I find myself so intertwined with these women in their suffering and heavy hearts.
In 2007, I joined the club of mommies of children with limb differences. There aren't a whole lot of us - especially those of us with quad children. This club has brought me unfathomable joy - the laughter & the knowing of our extra blessings. Though I never imagined myself in the club, I am so thankful for the wisdom and joy in these relationships.
I feel like I am now becoming a part of a third club. I'm in the club of those who choose to carry a child to term despite a "poor prenatal diagnosis." I'm in the club of those who long to hold and raise their child but keep hearing from doctors that that may not be the reality. I was recently emailed by Angie Smith of www.audreycaroline.blogspot.com I was a bit starstruck, I admit. (She also commented on my blog about a year ago which about made me collapse - a blogging celebrity! - although I don't think she remembers that!) I had actually just ordered her book the night before. I read her e-mail and I immediately responded. You might have guessed that I'm a bit verbose - it's how I process. Bless her heart as I just poured out my heart to her in my so very long response. And then it hit me, I'm emailing with her because she knows my pain. What if I'm joining this club too? I found a website yesterday called www.benotafraid.net. It is for parents who choose life inspite of a poor prenatal diagnosis. So many share stories of loss or raising very medically fragile babies. It is encouraging yet somehow heartbreaking that a need exists for such a community. I'm so thankful to have found the resources but perhaps in denial that this is where I'm at in life. I know there will be blessings out of these relationships just as there have been from other clubs I never expected to join. But the initiation is so very painful.
1 thoughts:
Upon reading this, I am reminded of 2 Corinthians 1:3-5
3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. 5 For as the sufferings of Christ abound in us, so our consolation also abounds through Christ.
In our suffering, God provides these "clubs" for us to be a part of so we'll have hope! That we can see past the current circumstance and know that He has given others the courage to endure and will help us through as well. Praying you up, sweet friend.
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