Excerpt from an actual conversation Reagan & I had last week with an educated woman who seemed wonderful at her job (preschool teacher) but perhaps a little "unfamiliar" with children in a way that we are...
Teacher: You know, I think you'd be surprised but children actually don't seem to notice differences or ask too many questions.
Me: Actually, I get more questions from children than I do from adults due to a child's natural curiosity. In fact, I get lots of questions and comments from children... sometimes cruel ones but usually just curious ones.
Teacher: hmmmm
Seriously - maybe I should invite her to the grocery store with me sometime!
And, speaking of grocery stores - here's another "Tale from the Aisles!"
Yesterday, while in Albertson's, I somehow found myself in a conversation with a clerk about his previous roommate/boyfriend, who was deaf. I'll just leave it at that- how in the world do I get myself into these conversations!?!!? (Oh yeah, Will was doing his signs... but Will is not deaf- much to the surprise of apparently others who see his signs & don't know about this whole baby sign language trend thing.)
Ok- while in this conversation with the clerk, the kind manager comes up to talk to us because we hadn't seen him in a while. You know you are a loyal customer when the clerks talk to you about their gay relationships & the manager knows your child! While the 4 of us are talking (2 employees, Will, & me), I overhear another employee tell one of the baggage guys that he is acting "retarded." His reply, "No ma'am, I'm not retarded." My heart instantly choked up. (Is that possible? I don't know but that is how it felt.)
I hate the word "retarded." I'm certainly guilty of using it in my past and I deeply regret that. Since having Will, however, I've become friends with several people who have children whose mental capacities are lower than "normal." I've heard from them how hurtful this word is as it is often used in a derogative sense. Since having Will, I've become so much more aware & sensitive to people's words - especially when they are making fun of someone who is created in the image of God.
(On a side note, the baggage guy she was talking to does have special needs. He often comes to talk to me while I'm shopping to find out the time & how much longer he has to work. Earlier in my shopping experience, we'd had a very long conversation about a quincinera & he had previously helped me out at my car where we'd also talked for a while. He is always polite & considerate & does a great job & I believe this word might be especially hurtful to him.)
So, I went to my car but my heart was just hurting and while I'd seen the boy stand up for himself, I also wasn't sure if he really had much of an advocate at home... or work for that matter. I wondered if another adult had ever really stood up for him & I wondered if someone else would do the same for Will if I wasn't around. And I remembered that one of my new roles, despite how much I might not want it, is to educate others about people with differences. I'm constantly learning the vocab & how to be accepting & I feel convicted about sharing this with others.... hence the blog.)
So, Will & I trotted back into the store & found the employee. I pulled her aside as I do not believe she was using the word cruelly so I did not want to draw attention to it or to shame her. I simply wanted a chance to educate & hopefully make her a little more aware of the impact of her words. I prayed the whole way back in as I am not a confrontational person and she was a bigger person & I didn't want to get in a fight. Yes, the thought crossed my mind that she might hit me! And, then where would I shop!?!?! My hands were trembling - I am so not confrontational!
I explained briefly that I had heard her use the "r" word & I wanted her to be aware that while she was using it in a joking manner with a friend/co-worker, she may not know who may overhear it in a public place. I explained that it is a very hurtful word, no different than using a racial slur. She was very apologetic and told me she forgets while she is working that others can hear her. I explained (briefly) why we rarely shop at HEB and how much we love Albertson's because the people are so kind to Will. I think & hope that she is now more aware of the impact and potential hurt of her words. I hope she will be more hesitant to use that ugly word in the future. And, I hope, for our sake, that if you should hear someone using the "r" word or the "d" word ("deformity") that you also would stand up for kids like Will and our friends with Down Syndrome or cerebal palsy or whatever. We shouldn't tolerate these sort of hurtful words in our society but unless we say something, people may never know the power of their words to hurt.
Ok - off my soapbox for now!
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