Baseballs, Butterflies, & Blessings: Unceasing

Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. I Thes 5: 16-18

I don't know about you but I do not pray continually. I'd like to. I wish I could say I was that kind of prayer warrior. However, I tend to keep my thoughts on laundry, dishes, finishing Will's scrapbook someday, blogging, cooking, therapy, scheduling surgeries & dr appointments, what day of the week I plan on washing my hair, etc. In other words, I rarely pray without ceasing. In fact, I'm not even sure exactly what that looks like.

Does the author mean that in order to pray continually one must be cut off from the world, neglect personal hygiene, neglect relationships, not work, etc in order to be constantly praying? I don't think so since the author, Paul, spends a great deal of time and words encouraging relationships, giving advice about being a Christ follower in the world, etc. (I don't think he comments on personal hygiene but I'm sure he would agree it is important.)

I'm not sure exactly how Paul intended us to pray continually but it occurred to me that maybe it looks like what my life has looked like for the past few days. There have been a few times in my life (the 9 weeks prior to Will's birth, his birth-day, his surgeries, & now this week) where my mind is somehow praying even when I'm not consious of it. I find myself continually crying out to God - even while doing laundry or washing my hair. Sometimes it's outloud & sometimes it's a silent screaming. Sometimes I close my eyes & bow my head; sometimes I have to keep my eyes open & on the road. Even in conversations, it's as though my spirit is somewhere else. I love Romans 8:26: In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express.

Yes, that is it - groans that words cannot express perfectly describes my prayers this week.

I am so burdened for my adopted granddad, Bubby. We love him desperately and he is dying. Today, the doctors predicted it would occur within the next 36 hours. Every time I talk to his wife, (Dorothy/Gigi) she tells me it will be soon - & we sob. Will has spoken to Bubby twice (once he was precious & told him he loved him; last night he wanted to talk about pirate ships on the ocean with him)

I finally got to speak to him last night as well and he told me I was like the daughter he never had. Such honoring words - I reminded him that he does have me... my brother & I made them our local adopted grandparents 25 years ago.

And last night, when I couldn't sleep at 12:30am, I decided to write down my thoughts for Bubby. I don't have the right words on the phone & he is only lucid for moments at a time so I thought I would write a letter, fax it to my parents, & ask my dad to read it to Bubby. I think it was about 4 pages long. My heart just poured words (me as verbose- surprising I know!)

And I didn't know how to express this pressing burden on my heart that he choose Jesus but somehow, God gave me the words at the very end of the letter. I didn't have to say much but I needed him to know how desperately I want him to choose Jesus ... & that it is that simple- just a simple choice to believe.

Bubby is Jewish and I don't know God's plan for his choosen people. I do know that throughout the Bible, He continually redeems them & chooses them - despite their unworthiness (kind of like he did with us when He allowed us to be redeemed & grafted into His choosen people.) I hope he offers Bubby an extra chance. I hope & pray Bubby takes that chance.

Though he is 94 and has health problems and therefore his impending death is no real surprise, it is heartbreaking to watch someone die with no hope. It is horrible to talk on the phone to their heartbroken spouse who has no hope - there is no talk of reunion someday in Heaven. I can't even tell you how depressing it is when we speak. It feels so final and dark and hopeless.

And so I am burdened. I desperately want to see our Bubby in heaven someday. I desperately want to be able to reassure his wife & offer her hope admist her grief and heartache.

And so my heart and my soul is constantly praying - mostly with groans and words I can't express. I'm finding I'm distracted as I go about our day - my heart is constantly crying out to God. And, yet, I'm able to still keep appointments, and make dinners, and talk to Will, & carryon the activities of the day. I don't know if this is how Paul intended his instruction on prayer but it's what it is looking like today for me.
How do you pray without ceasing?

And, would you please pray today for Bubby?

(By the way, I often just write on my blog as my own journal - I forget there are actually a few people that read it besides our moms & grandmothers! Yesterday, 2 friends mentioned they had been in prayer for Bubby. Thank you- thank you for lifting him up! I am humbled!

I don't like boring hospital rooms. If you've ever been with me in a hospital room - whether it was when my husband was hospitalized for 9 days or when our baby has been hospitalized- I decorate. It's kind of a pain when someone gets discharged- we have to cart out all my posters & markers and decorating supplies.

I can't help it - it's who I am. No hospital room goes undecorated. I've even been known to decorate other people's hospital rooms.

I like bright colors & hopeful, encouraging verses. I love pictures. Anything to bring a smile to hospital world.

Bubby is not in a hospital but is in a Hospice center. Last night, along with the letter, I uploaded some pictures of Will with Bubby & Dorothy to CVS & had them printed back home so my dad could get them & deliver them to his room. I'm hoping it brings a few smiles today.