Sweet Baby

Yesterday, we ran several grueling tests. I cam beginning to feel like some sort of human pincushion. That's ok, however, as I long for some answers so we can know how to best treat this precious child. The labs are being sent to a lab in Houston and also to the Mayo Clinic. We should have results beginning sometime this week.
Oddly enough, I feel some sort of peace. Maybe that is because it is Saturday and I don't have to see a doctor today. Perhaps it is because things are out of my hands and my control. Perhaps it is because I know that in a few days, I will have some very definitive answers. And then I will know how to prepare for this child - whether to schedule specialists and surgeries for post birth or whether to grieve and plan to cuddle and enjoy every single minute I get.
We both felt discouraged as we left the first appointment yesterday afternoon. Yet another organ was mentioned - the liver. So far, we know that something (unknown what these masses are) has been found in the stomach, liver, brain, and heart. It seems the kidneys & lungs are okay. I don't even think these could be seen on a regular ultrasound machine - our perinatoloigst is using a high level ultrasound machine and is able to therefore measure such miniscule things better. He spent some time meauring the masses on the heart (benign tumors) - & I just lay there and cried. I just want to listen to this precious heartbeat as much as I can. I'm so thankful for every heartbeat. There is also some swelling occurring which is very scary. And of course, there is still the tendon issue - which may be progressing. Our baby is so very, very sick. Our doctors are trying desperately to understand what is going on so that they can determine a course of treatment or know how to counsel us. Please pray for our baby. Pray for our hearts. Thank you, dear friends, for standing (sometimes sitting & crying) beside us as we walk this road.

R and I went to Barnes & Noble to get away for awhile. I wandered to the pregnancy section in search of a journal for the baby. It broke my heart as nothing seemed applicable to me. Books with titles like, Your Happy Pregnancy or The First Year or Pregnancy Sucks (seriously - don't ever say this to me no matter how miserable you are in pregnancy - it is such a wonderful, coveted experience by so many women who have struggled with infertility or have lost babies. I'll get off my soapbox now) didn't exactly apply to us. I managed to only get teary eyed and not cause a complete scene. I then wandered off to the journal section and found two journals I loved - that had nothing to do with pregnancy but would be perfect for the letters I want to write this baby as I record our journey together. I picked one out in blue and one in pink. Ultimately, I settled on one knowing I could return it if it is the wrong color.
Turns out I was right.
Guess you'll have to check back soon for an announcement from Will. ;)