Thank You, God! A "yes" at last!

R & my arms after our "date" this morning. Some couples go to movies and dinner.

We go to ultrasounds and then spend an hour and a half checking into a hospital and running blood work.

Romantic, I know.

Will liked removing our bandaids.

Ellie & I spend a LOT of time doing this together.

(I haven't slept in 48 hours hardly & have weeped a lot - so excuse my tired face!)

Recently, I shared my struggle with my friends in how to teach Will that just because we pray for God to make Ellie better, doesn't mean He will (on this earth.) They suggested I teach him that God says, "yes," "no," & "maybe."

Many of our prayers during this pregnancy have been answered with a "maybe."

Today, He said "YES!"

I am so thankful to report that I am not headed to Dallas this afternoon to deliver this precious baby girl at only 26 weeks.

In the past 48 hours, her fluid in her abdomen has significantly gone down. There still remains a "sliver" of fluid but not as much as we saw on Tuesday that was so terrifying. I laid on the table and just cried tears of joy and relief. I long to meet this girl but not yet - I need her with me for a while more!

The steroids have been effective & she immediately passed her breathing test! I won't need any more steroid shots until possibly at 32 weeks, if she makes it that far without scaring us again & if it looks like she might need to come before 36 weeks.

Our doctor admitted that Ellie is "stumping him."

We are all struggling to understand what is going on in her body in order to know how best to help her at birth.

Last night, after furiously packing all day for potentially being gone for so long, I researched what happens to babies who are accumulating fluid. (This is the second time we've dealt with this issue with Ellie- the first being when she accumulated it in her face several weeks ago.)

I read things like "prognosis very poor," "poor prognosis except when definite cause known," "critically ill if they even survive to birth," "of those diagnosed prenatally, only 20% survive to delivery and of those, only 50% will survive to leave the NICU" (in other words- 10% total survival rate.) "Long term survival of those who leave the NICU, unknown."

I went to my bed with an even heavier heart than usual. I spent the night again tossing and turning & begging and weeping.

I have contacted photographers from Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep. This incredible organization provides professional photographers & edited pictures at no cost to families who have a reasonable belief that their baby might never leave a hospital. On our way out of town this morning for Ellie's ultrasound, I listened in tears to the Dallas coordinator as she described what is available to us - a photographer to be present at birth (often even allowed in the operating room in case c-section is necessary,) can take pictures in the NICU, if the child must be removed off of life support in the NICU, they can return to take family pictures with her while we all hold her in her last moments. What a loving, respectful organization. I couldn't believe I was having that conversation but I was so thankful for their support. It felt so good to call her on our way home today to say that we don't need a photographer this weekend! They will remain on standby for when Ellie does come. I also found a local one in case something happens & Ellie were to have to be delivered here. She sent me scripture yesterday & again, I was so touched by her willingness to be a part of Ellie's story & minister to my heart.

It seems like Ellie often surprises us - not always good surprises. She is unpredictable and mysterious. I'm keeping her bag partially packed as who knows what she might do at any given appointment. (I even packed decorations for her NICU bassinet! Have I mentioned that I have a thing about decorating my kids' hospital rooms? Remember Will's Christmas surgery & the tree I packed!) I'm thankful my house arrangements are already made for whenever we are told to go. I'm thankful to have photographers coordinated and a guest book ready for visitors to sign. I'm oh so thankful that my adrenaline crashed in his office and after not sleeping for 2 days, I took a nap this afternoon instead of finishing packing and heading to Dallas.

I am so very thankful for more time with this little girl. I have begged my God for time to keep her to myself.

I am thankful she was able to somehow turn out of a breech position last night.

I am thankful she opened her eyes today for her Daddy to see.

I am thankful she is practicing breathing.

I am so thankful not to be delivering her tonight or tomorrow.

I am thankful for cautious doctors who are working so hard to bring me this baby safely.

I am thankful for the prayers of so many family, friends, and strangers.

I am thankful for a "maybe" & a "yes." He hasn't said "yes" yet for her life. But He did say "yes" today - I get her for another week. "Maybe" I can get her alive for a lifetime or a while. I am thankful.

I am also exhausted.

I'm off to finish packing suitcases and sunscreen - Ellie is taking her first family vacation to the beach!

2 days ago, I overheard Will running around wearing his "baby" cowboy hat from when he was littler and pretending to be "Caroline Ellie Ellie Grace." I grabbed the camera and it was so precious.

Until he suggests at the end that he will teach her "to swing a baseball bat and hit her." Lovely. I do pray that she is able to come home someday and not be so medically fragile that her big brother can't play actively with her and even get in trouble for (gently) hitting her!

(remember, scroll to bottom of blog & hit pause on the music playlist to hear Will on the video.)