Ellie in the Belly - 37 weeks, 7 days

This is my final "Ellie in the Belly" post.

She is scheduled to be born tomorrow via c-section around 9am.

I have tried several natural methods to get sweet Ells to flip - I've laid upside down on an ironing board. I've done handstands in the pool.

I did not do flips off the diving rock while swimming the other day - that seemed like I would be asking for a major injury - not to mention the splash I would have made! (see our swimming contest pics below!)

But, today, during our ultrasound, she had not moved back into the correct birthing position. She has moved some - but is actually now somewhat transverse/breech.

She did great on her BPP today! ("Beautiful breathing" according to her doctor! :))

They'll check her once more in the morning but, at this point, we are scheduling a c-section unless she shocks us all on her next ultrasound.

It's possible they may need to do an "extension c-section" involving a larger than normal incision - this depends on her flexibility.

Tomorrow - YIKES!

While I am excited to see her finally in full color, I am really struggling with the c-section.

I am familiar with the "v" method so part of my struggle is doing something I am unfamiliar with.

Part of my struggle probably stems from once again, feeling out of control with this pregnancy - another loss of normal and of my plans.

Most of my struggle is based on fear.

She will likely be taken away from me immediately and I will be stuck in recovery. Reagan will accompany her but I am dreading being separated from her, and in pain myself, and not knowing how she is doing or if she is thriving and able to live.

R has promised me he will go with her and that if she is declared terminal, he will make sure she is held by him.

Needless to say, I'm a nervous wreck.

Which explains why I am not napping right now but, rather, am sitting in Starbucks across from our apartment blogging.

I was too nervous to nap.

Oddly enough, things seem so "stable" with her in the womb. I'm so afraid of being separated from her and all the unknowns that are coming. Sometimes it's more comfortable to not know.

I vividly remember the emotions of putting Will in the NICU and the exhaustion that comes from the testing and evaluations of having a NICU baby. I just don't feel ready at all for that. I don't know that I could ever be "ready."

I don't know what to expect with Ells. She hasn't exactly been predictable!

I'm worried about Will. I'm sad I won't be able to hold him for a few weeks. I carry him a lot - especially when he is not wearing his prosthetics.

I don't know what to prepare him for.

I'm not being very nice to R - I'm so nervous and scared about the future for our family and for Ellie and I'm taking that stress out on him.

I am the perfect example of the hormonal, emotional, pregnant woman.

We have enjoyed some good family time in our apartment that has been loaned to us here. We don't have a tv or internet there and so it has been nice to just play music, talk, read, etc. We've played lots of games with Will. We are enjoying the view (we're on the 24th floor and the nighttime view is really pretty of the city all lit up!) We're enjoying how easy it is to clean an apartment - just plug the vacuum in once!

My mom & a friend, Sandi G., cleaned the apartment last week and even hired carpet cleaners & vent cleaners and then they moved us in -

so it has been so nice to feel settled immediately. We are so thankful for that gift of time they gave us as we haven't spent our weekend cleaning or unpacking.

We're enjoying our family time - wrestling and tickling Will, reading stories, playing lots of games, playing race cars, and my favorite - popping popcorn & watching Will's birth video!

He loves to hear the story of his birth & now enjoys watching the video... and has LOTS of questions!

I'll post when I can tomorrow.

Thank you for covering Ellie's birth and our family in your prayers. We are so blessed and thankful for you.

Specific Ways You Can Pray:

That Ellie is able to live

That her doctors and nurses have wisdom, discernment, and sensitivity

That Will is protected from any insensitive comments

That I can nurse Ellie

That Ellie doesn't require a NICU stay

That we are able to figure out a diagnosis and plan for treatment

That R & I are able to think clearly to make the best decisions for her

That my recovery will be super quick so that I can be with my daughter

No scary surprises (good ones are welcome!)

That her birth would be full of celebration, joy, & laughter!