Homeward Bound... Hopefully

12 weeks ago...

I kneeled, 9 months pregnant, in Ellie's nursery & begged God for her life.

I walked out my front door, video camera in hand, for the last time.

I packed up everything I thought I might need for awhile.

Today,

we are headed home.

Ellie will sleep in her nursery for the first time tonight.

I will rock her tonight in her room.

Will will show off his baseball room to Ellie.

We will play with our golden retriever, Ruby.

Ellie will meet our cat, Bella.

Ellie will meet our neighbors, friends, and her cousins for the first time.

She will visit our church.

Will will run in our backyard and climb his fort.

We are headed home today for a 2 1/2 week break.

I have very mixed emotions.

I have loved living here.  I will miss the trees and lake and so many opportunities for exploring with Will.  I will miss "Mommy & Me" at the arboretum for him.  I will miss weekend festivals.  I will miss soccer.  I will miss being able to walk across the street with Will in a stroller and Ellie in a front pack to go to the grocery store or window shop or get ice cream cones.   I will miss our view and all the trees changing colors.  I will miss the tollway with no lights!  I will miss the friends we've made here.  I will miss Sherry - who has faithfully cooked for us for so long!  I will miss being able to do all our laundry at once.  

I think my biggest fear is that reality will hit me when I return home.  I have been on "go" mode for so long - I haven't had time to really sit and cry or comprehend what our life is like.  I have just been on "go" mode.  I think at home, reality will hit me. 

I worry about being so far from all of our doctors.  

I'm excited to plant pansies.

I can hardly wait to be able to open the door for Will and watch him play in our yard again.

There's so many people I can't wait to introduce Ellie to.

I have felt so "normal" here in so many ways.  Four days a week, I am in a children's hospital where everyone has a "new normal."  When I am there, I notice that every other mother has a child with some sort of difference.  There's no staring, judging, questions, or comments.  It's totally normal there for me to have a child with hand and feet differences in prosthetic legs and a baby in leg splints or casts and limited range of motion.  We don't particularly stand out.

At home, I'm my own kind of normal.  And I know I will struggle in adapting to this new normal in a new environment.  While I am thrilled for the break from hospitals, I will miss being in such a comfortable place.

And so, I have mixed emotions.

Today, we head home.

12 weeks.  

coming soon, pictures from life in our "hood" here at the condo in the clouds!

***Don't forget, today is the LAST day for the giveaway from Alacrity Designs!  Scroll down to the post titled, "Giveaway" because my giveaway page link is not working and I don't have time to fix it right now!  Giveaway over at midnight!***