I digress.
Therapy was difficult again. I am very overwhelmed again. I haven't figured out how to fit time for taping in my days back home. (I can't even figure out how to fit in all the time required for three forms of therapy.) I am terrified I will screw up all the progress made so far and somehow delay her walking even further or cause it not to happen and deal with more guilt the rest of my life and she'll never love me and I'll gain 800 pounds. (This is my brain on sleep deprivation and extreme stress.)
I digress.
So, I'm
Obviously, I have a huge struggle with mommy guilt.
I also have a sickness. a therapy obsessive sickness.
Please, can I check into a spa for a week and see if that cures me? Preferably a spa in Tahiti.
So, back to my story. Forgive my verbose post.
I tell my mom all this through my tears while Will is using the bathroom. He calls me and I run in to help him wipe and he announces that he is still going. He goes through this routine twice.
Finally, he is finished.
And when I walk back into the bathroom, there is human excrement on his bare legs.
And rather than be completely grossed out, I ask him (while trying to hide my excitement), "how did you do that?"
To which he promptly demonstrates how he accomplished said task.
And a sense of relief came over me - he will be able to independently use the bathroom!!! Something we've secretly wondered about for 3 years!
And then I told my mom - who had the exact same reaction. (Because obviously I've brainwashed her into milestone thinking too.)
And then we got grossed out & promptly stripped him and put him in the tub.
Where I gave him a bubble bath. In this case, I didn't think Burt's Bee's organic bubble bath would be strong enough. So I poured some Dial antibacterial handsoap in the tub.
And that's how you know you are a mom of a child with limb differences: when a disgusting experience actually brings you relief and joy as you realize it signifies a huge step towards independence for your child
The end.
(ps- if I grossed you out with this story, I apologize. My child has never before played with his waste. This was a first experience for him. He now is clean and napping and smells like Dial handsoap.)
(pss- feel free to share your own child's poop stories in the comments. I could use some good laughs today to stop my constant flowing tears. :))
(psss- if you are the mom of a child with limb differences or special needs, do you find yourself also constantly thinking in terms of developmental goals? Am I alone here? Do I need help or is this normal? What do you find yourself celebrating that upon reflection you can't believe you are proud of? (ie: I remember vividly the first time Will grabbed a toy from another child - while I had to tell him "no", inside I was jumping to the moon with excitement that he could grab a toy from someone with ten fingers!)
8 thoughts:
Repeat: I am not alone!"
My name is Kristin and I am an unwilling draftee in the Autism army.
I will never forget the day my lovely 3 year old looked right at me, in my eyes and said "NO!"
I clapped, right there and then. Do you know what that means when your kid is 3 and has a 5 word vocabulary? Do you know all these dvelopmental tasks you have to do, to be defiant?
It was a great and wonderful moment. Of course, now 4 years later, I'm not so excited when she tells me know.
You are NOT alone!
Since we just got Aaron - I am just beginning the struggle of not knowing what he is going to be able to do. I am SO overwhelmed at how much we have to do ahead of us. Part of me just wants to shut it down. He missed SIX YEARS which makes it even harder. I vascillate between anger, grief and fear. His arms/hands are SO bad off. So - I totally understand. I feel stupid 90% of the time and LOST the other 10%.
That's awesome about Will's bathroom skills! Even if it did come with a mess. My daughter stepped in dog poop and got it all over her shoes and jeans today. So gross! I would much rather deal with hers than the dogs!
I can totally identify! I can even identify with the worries about gaining 800 lbs! LOL
Here is my poop story:
Our sweet son Marcus spent much of his toddler hood in the bathroom.
(we have 4 boys that were 4 and under and Marcus was the youngest) He watched the entire time his brother with CP and his brother who was afraid of the toilet were being potty trained. He knew about the baseball underwear he would receive upon his first deposit!
He decided at 2 and a half, he could use those unders.
So, he grabbed my hand and took me to the proud giant log he layed in the toilet.
3 days later, I was cleaning and vacuuming. I had just vacuumed the stairs and was then doing laundry.
I came across a paper towel neatly placed on one of the steps.
I thought, "that's strange, I just vaccumed, what is a paper towel doing there?" I lifted the paper towel to find a GIANT LOG layed on the stairs! I called my sweet boy, "Marcus! come to Mommy!" and there he came, underwearless, and wearing a "Mr. Nonsense" shirt. He was so cute all naked and sweet and smelly.
And he looked so..... guilty.:)
They didn't have antibacterial soap back then, so we had to settle for Mr. Bubble. :)
When Erika was in her body cast, she was 9. We had to use the bed pan for her. She had only been in America a little over a year, so her English was pretty fun.
When I was about to put her on the bed pan she said, "I've been Crapping all day! I crap all the time!" I was very puzzled at her Language skills!
So I said, really, what do you mean?
She points to her shoulder and her wrist and moves it and it "cracks".... She meant "cracking" not crapping!
Made me laugh, even though I had a big ole just to finish. :/
I am hoping to meet you soon. I would love to have a cup of coffee and grip, whine, cry, whatever, over all the things that mommy guilt does to us. I feel that way very often. That play should somehow have a purpose that gets him to the next level. I asked a mom of an older child with Jackson's condition once "what would you do different?" She said I would have stopped thinking I could "fix" my kid with more therapy and enjoy them more. I try to keep that in the back of my head when I get crazy:)
Reese got poop out of her diaper and I found it in her mouth....yep, really happened!
Katie! BOTH of my kids smeared poop all over their cribs when they were little....one did it much more often than the other! We even had to start duct taping her diaper on!! No worries...just go with the poopy flow! Loves & Miss you guys!!
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