Air

It was Father's Day.  I was 14, I think.  Maybe 13.  We were waterskiing on the lake near our home.  We spent a lot of time on that water.  In fact, when my husband & I moved to the Frontier, I asked him what kids around here did on warm days after school or on hot summer days.  Growing up, my mom would often take us out on the water after school and my dad would join us after work.  As I got older, my friends & I spent lots and lots of time at various people's lake houses.  Good times.
I digress.
Father's Day, water skiing.  My dad was driving the boat and our good family friend, Rick, who happens to be a pediatrician was on the boat too.  I don't remember if there were any other kids on the boat.  I know the moms were back on shore.  I can't remember if I had just finished skiing or was about to start.  Regardless, the ski was on my feet.  The rope, however, had a sinking handle and I didn't see it.  As my dad turned on the boat to bring me the rope, the rope caught on the prop and the handle, which we couldn't see underwater, wrapped around my neck and pulled me under.  As the prop turned with the rope on it, it began dragging me towards the prop.  Someone shut off the boat but the prop kept turning for a few seconds.  Someone else jumped in the water to attempt to free me.
Rick checked me out & though he was certain I had no broken bones, he instructed me to lay down in the back of the surburban and sent us to the ER.  My neck was fine.  I had a nasty rope burn ear to ear for a few weeks.
But I vividly remember being face up underwater, mere inches from air.  I remember being unable to get to the air as I was drug backwards toward the boat's motor.  Air was so close.  And I couldn't get to it.

Sometimes, that's how life feels to me lately.  Like I can see the air.  I know it is there.  Yet, no matter how hard I work, no matter how quickly I learn to tape or do therapy, no matter how many times I do laundry or dishes or go to the grocery store, I'm never finished.  It feels often as if it doesn't matter how many doctors' appointments I attend or how many appointments I put behind me, there's so many more ahead.  I can finish one type of therapy only to have another to do.  I put one surgery behind me only to begin preparing for the next.
Sometimes the overwhelm threatens to pull me under and drag me.  I'm not resisting the life.  I accept what has become our normal.  There's parts of this new normal that I love and am so thankful for - opportunities and blessings I would never have known otherwise.  I don't fight that.  I'm fighting against the overwhelm.    I'm fighting to find time for my marriage - to just enjoy my husband instead of spending all of our time together making decisions.  I'm fighting for time to just enjoy my children - to play and laugh and tickle and giggle.  I'm fighting for time to wash my hair.  It's true.  I shower daily but the hair is on an every 3 days plan.    (Any other moms out there notice that in being a mom, somehow personal hygiene becomes "me time"... please tell me I am not the only one who finds that a shower is no longer really about cleanliness but is about solace for a few blessed minutes!)  I'm fighting to find time to cook like I used to.  I'm fighting for time to see friends and try to maintain those relationships.  Bless our friends' hearts - they have offered us so much grace as we have been terrible friends for the most part of the last several years.  And yet, they continue to include us and pour into us.  This past week, a friend kept my children so I could get a pedicure and a brow wax.  My husband had been sick, then working til 10 pm every night, then out of town.  I was exhausted and overwhelmed from doing life with 2 solo, plus Ellie's therapies & taping, plus therapy appts for Ellie.  And then I got her next surgery paperwork and was completely overwhelmed.  My sweet friend - with three kids of her own - took my kids and gave me a break.  And two other friends offered.  And my mother in law one day took Will for a few hours so I could do Ellie's taping alone.  (I think they all saw I was on the brink of insanity. :))  Tonight, I will attend my mom's group for the first time since August 1!  Oh my, I've missed these girls and this time together.  I can hardly wait.  But, I lost track of time today and didn't get Ellie's taping done and can't do it in the morning because of doctor's appointments so I'm taking her with me & I'll tape & splint here there.  Even my time with friends includes therapy.  Have I mentioned the overwhelm?
But so far, I haven't figured out how to escape.  I see air.  I know it is there.  I'm just now sure how to get to it.  But, I'm guessing m Heavenly Father, like my dad on this earth, is jumping in right beside me.  Probably if I'll just let Him, He'll teach me how to manage it all, how to do this life He's blessed me with.

When worries threaten to overwhelm me, Your soothing touch makes me happy.  Psalm 94:19

I guess I'm not the only one who's dealt with overwhelm.