a day

Today may or may not have ended with me eating chocolate, periodically crying, and drinking a little bit of red wine.

It's been a long day.  Not as long as it could have been had we driven though.

It began at 2:30am.  Tuesday, Ellie got sick.  Wednesday, I got sick.  We changed our flights.  R flew in my mom to help me fly both children to Dallas since I was sick & therefore behind on packing & potentially not at 100% for undertaking the flying thing.  I beat myself up for wanting my mom there at all and not being a big girl.  I compared myself to friends who manage to survive being sick & taking care of sick children at the same time.  I reminded myself that most people don't usually deal with sickness themselves while taking care of sick children and cramming in therapies and flying and doctors' appointments with specialists who are very difficult to reschedule.  

Thankfully, my mom's presence meant that I could get a full night's sleep.  Except that at 2:30 am, I heard Will puking.  Bless his precious heart.

And thank God for my mom - who spent the rest of the night bedside with Will and a bucket.  I checked on him several times and she kept sending me back to sleep.  I am so thankful.

By 7am, he was doing much better (& running which I made him stop for fear of upsetting his stomach.)

So we boarded our plane.

So far, both of my kids are excellent fliers.  This was flight number I've lost track (150???) for Will.  

Flight Numero Uno for Ellie Grace!

Despite the double ear infection she did awesome!

She happily nursed.

Then she happily played while I did her therapy.

She practiced her tummy time.

(notice the monk look she is sporting.  It's the latest in baby trends.)

And Will, though tired from his night, did great too - cuddled with his Lovie & rested.  Security was a breeze this time - (no x-rays in our local airport.)  He took off his prosthetics & wore just the liners when Lovie suggested he walk through on "peg legs" that wouldn't set off the alarms (& I guess with his "shoes" technically off, the TSA agents didn't notice he still had on prosthetic liners now that I think about it.)  Yes, my pirate lover thinks the liners to his zancos are peg legs.  

Love it.

When we landed in Dallas, there was a promo offering free pictures with Santa.

(Relatively "free" I suppose considering we paid to fly.)

(Technically, we flew on rapid rewards and gift certificates generously given us.  So technically, it was free to us.)

Also, technically, though travel days are exhausting in general with kids, I would rather fly 800x more than drive that long drive.  I love that in flying I can comfort a baby if I need to, I can shut my eyes and relax while my babies sleep, I can take people to the bathroom exactly when they need to go instead of begging them to hold it, my sore baby isn't stuck in a seat forever, & I can feed on time when I need to without losing time in travel.  So thankful to be able to fly sometimes!)

So - Santa...

Will gave him his memorized list.

After seeing her doctors and then heading up for therapy, taping, & splinting, Ellie was WIPED.  I think Ellie's will become a very flexible person as she has had to learn to take naps in all kinds of places!

She did enjoy seeing her therapists again.

Thanks, Rosa & Brenda, for all you do!

(And ps - Lisa, lots of compliments on the paisley today!!! Thank you!)

See her new hand splints?

When Ellie & I got home to the condo, we saw that my mom had decorated it for Christmas.  I love how she works so hard to make it home away from home.

Will had fun hanging up his soccer ornaments and Ellie's baby ornaments.

And then sweet Ellie had to endure one more doctor - Dr. Will.  Don't worry - after that shot in her tummy he told her she was very good and could have a new toy car.

She was thrilled.

And I'm kind of discouraged today.  The doctor's visits were hard.

The hand splints aren't as bad as I imagined so that is good.

There was some encouraging news. (like one and  a half things)

There was some disheartening news.

I learned more of what to expect regarding her hip surgery and we scheduled that.  

I learned that the surgeon wants a clear from her cardiologist, and ENT, & a pediatric pulmonologist.  For insurance purposes (& the fact that we've met our deductible this year), I need to get these scheduled for 2010.  That leaves me 29 days to cram in 2 more trips to Dallas for therapy/splinting, 3 specialists, weekly therapies, and of course, 2 major holidays to work around.

No problemo. 

 Sometimes I feel like I am a medical coordinator who pretends to sometimes be a wife and mom.

One of the doctors today was very frank with me regarding what he anticipates Ellie's future as.  He said some surprising things - very different from the kinds of things I've always heard from doctors regarding Will (he can do anything - just differently.)  I'm still processing some of what he said.  I don't know if it bothers me because of my pride to hear limits put on my daughter.  I don't know if it bothers me because it implies that some of my simple dreams for her may be altered.  I don't know if it is just that it blows my  mind to be discussing things like walking and ballet and sports and swimming when my baby is only 3 months old.  I know there is some fear involved for me - the risk of some simple activities will be great for Ellie - ie:  if she falls, it could be very dangerous if she doesn't have the reflexes to catch herself.  Maybe it's the change in kind of the way I imagined our family doing life for the next 20 years.  I keep going back to my definitions of good & bad.  It's not that these are "bad" things.  They're just really different.  And I want to be in reality.  I do.  Deep down I really do.  But I kind of don't.  I want to just enjoy where I am today without thinking about the future.  But I can't do that completely.  I must think about the future because there are things we can be doing today to maximize Ellie's future.  

(And then cue the doctor who told me that all the work we are doing does not guarantee she will walk.)

In theory, what we are doing today will maximize her future potential and independence.

And while a part of me struggles with some of what I heard today, a part of me - the pollyanna who lives inside me- bounces back and starts designing a super cute pink walker for Ellie to participate in ballet with and then she starts imagining who I can get on board with us to help me figure out ways she can ski and swim and keep up with her brother.  

And then I remind myself that I want to offer her every opportunity while also accepting her just as she is.

And then I feel like my brain is running in crazy circles trying to process all this.

Which is partly why I blog.  To process all this that is our life.

I'm sure I'll be back processing more later.

For now, I'm off to sleep.

Thanks for covering our flying and sicknesses and appointments in prayer today.

I am confident that it is your prayers that help me to keep moving forward on difficult days.