Not Contagious

Don't worry.  Limb differences are not contagious.  

Though sometimes I think some people would really benefit from experiencing life with a difference.  Perhaps they would be more sensitive or compassionate or generous or kind or accepting.

As we get close to our neighborhood pool, Will (aka "The Senator") likes to count the cars.  He then counts the people and if there are lots of people, he gets excited as he can hardly wait to meet them.  He does not get this social nature from his mother.  I prefer zero cars - less people to wear a swimsuit in front of, as far as I'm concerned!  If there are few cars or few people, he becomes somewhat despondent.  Seriously, I think he may run for office someday.  

Recently, at the pool, the Senator was so happy to see several children.  He quickly introduced himself to two little girls, showed them some toys, and began creating some game with them.  They were happy to play with him even though they seemed a few years older.  They were quite friendly with me and Ellie and Will.  Everything seemed fine.

Except then their mother happened to look our way and notice Will's differences.

And she demanded that her daughter move to the opposite side of the pool.

Her daughter asked to keep playing with Will. The mother insisted she stay away from us.

My blood boiled.  (Considering the temps in Texas, it didn't take long to reach the boiling point.)

My child's differences may not be contagious but you know what is?

Ignorance.  Stupidity.  

By not allowing her child to play with mine, that mother instilled in her daughter that something is wrong with someone with differences.  In fact, nothing is wrong with Will.  He is different - not wrong.  

That mother prevented her child from making a friend... a friend who will probably go on to be in high power in office someday.  Just saying.

That mother taught her child that it is okay to be judgmental and intolerant of those who are different.  

That mother did not allow her child to ask questions and satisfy a natural curiosity.  

She passed on her own ignorance to her daughter.

And I pity them.

She missed out on making a very good friend.

A few days later, we were once again swimming.  (Have I mentioned it is hot?  Pretty much if we want to play outside, we are either swimming or slip n sliding or sweating profusely.)  Will has been working on his dive so he was repeatedly diving in the water and swimming to the stairs.  When he wasn't perfecting his dive, he was swimming laps.  He recently figured out that he can swim all by himself across the pool.  Wears him out.  And also, he likes to practice his newest trick - flips.  Hanna W taught him how to do back flips & front flips.  He got the back flip on his first try but the front flip is a little more difficult to master.  He is three!  I don't know if this is typical or not for other three year olds but I am pretty impressed with his swimming this summer.  (Admittedly, I am biased.)

So, Will was swimming laps across the pool, practicing flips, & repeatedly diving in the water as Ellie & I swam around him, when suddenly, a little boy (who had stared at Will for a moment) went running off.  Before I could formulate a response plan, he came back dragging a friend by the hand and saying, "Look at him, he doesn't have hands or feet."  Not, "look at him - he can flip or swim across the pool."  Not, "look at him, he can swim the freestyle."  Not, "look at him - he has great hair."  Not, "look at him, let's make friends with him and play some game of mermaid/water warriors."  

Nope - they were there to gawk.  

I froze.

I didn't know how to react because I was stuck in the water.  

Their mother was nearby (but too far away to have noticed.)  I am intimidated sometimes and don't want to correct a rude child in front of their mother.

And more importantly, my child was blissfully unaware.

I make it a point to not react when I notice Will is unaware.  I do not want him to see me angry or sad and to associate that with his differences.  (I am not angry or sad about his differences - I get angry or sad about prejudice or rudeness or people that notice a difference and not a child.  But I'm not sure that at his age he would get the difference.)  I try, therefore, to not react or respond if Will hasn't notice someone staring or pointing or making rude comments.  If he notices, it's another story as to how we respond but I've already addressed that here.

He was happily swimming.  

So I just stood there, holding Ellie, as tears welled up.  I was furious and couldn't believe the way these children were staring and gawking.

I wanted them to notice my child and his amazing swimming skills.

I wanted them to look past his differences.
He is a person with value.  That is what I want them to see.

And I couldn't force that.  

So I just kept cheering on my child and praising what I know is amazing.

What else could I do?

These kind of scenarios don't happen often.  But when they do, the hurt is deep... I so want people to see my child and all the ways he is just like any other child.

And whoever said "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me?"  They are wrong.  Words and stares do hurt.